Existence

A wretched wind that a cyclone wrought
over the hills, a cursed seed it brought
Alone and desolate, an ill-fated seed
That was from the pleasure of tall company
Thrust unwanted into the thorny shrubbery.
Hovering tall and green through the decades,
It lived, if 'lived' could be so carelessly used,
With unsophisticated branches and needy roots
A lion amongst the sheep did it grow, the seed.

Its been a year since its last leaf showed
Fighting Autumn, in all its dreary yellowness
Its war for space with the prickly rivals unending
A braveheart still fighting for his shameful existence
He speaks, as the northern wind combs through,
To the unnamed pecker who had long made him home
Of life, the summers and winters and springs that passed.

#ToLiveOrToExist

Fingers Crossed

Walking that Horizon between Life and Death,
Oblivious to the vilest poisons in that fragile vial of fate
Fighting forever in vain, the walls of the bony box
Looking for the faintest signs of light in cramped darkness
Struggling powerlessly to be free from the cage,
I live as a mortal, yet another random Schrodinger's Cat.

Everyone is stupid someday!

After a smile and an hour,
Looking blank at the screen,
Or In deep thought, like I say,
I find, I smiled at a stranger
In the hallway.
I remembered him from somewhere
A friend of a friend, Not really,
Perhaps, The guy at the reception
or One of the Insurance guys?
After a smile and an hour I realized
I smiled at a confused stranger today.
I felt like a STUPID but then
Everyone is stupid sometime someday.

--To be Contd.----

I smile

Lonely in a merry crowd, I smile
With the weight of the gazes, I smile
Even when my voice breaks, I smile
When my eyes burn to cry, I smile
With my shiny moist eyes, I smile
I heard you say I'm weird, I smile
You wonder whats wrong, I smile
I cannot let me hate what I am like
Doesn't matter what comes my way,
I would rather keep my smile.

Unfit saviours

Slaying your own kind and calling it honour
Stealing for reasons but burning hunger
O poor wretched soul, I detest you!
To grin at the starving, find humour in killing
To slight the meek, bow to the empowered
O wierd human, I pity you!
To still call yourself the saviour of the world
With nothing but a stupid extra sense
O wierd wretched human, I defy you!

Dust

Unguided I walked for an hour or a dozen
Before slowly dissolving into the gray fog.
The waning moon particularly unwilling
To emerge out of the fluffy dark clouds.
I would have pledged Immortality if I had
For a sound but for my own strained breaths
For a soul but for mine and the surly trees'.

With not the silliest distraction, whatsoever
I embarked to entertain my bored spirits
With questions that lay unasked in normality.
The instinctual queries buried in the mundane

Like spill marks cleaned by soot of the stove.

What was perishable, and what was not?
The dead leaves I sit upon, I understand
Once lived, haughty with an upward spine
Today they lay tread upon by the likes of me
Dust shall win,  Dust they will some day be.

Speaking of leaves, I wonder about me

When my time comes, what would  I be?

The early rays shone through the leaves above
The fog of the night before rapidly clearing
There I sat, dissolving into my foggy mind,
Staring at the crisp brown leaves at my feet

Leathered knights

If you had a friend who spoke behind your back and she had a birthday (Stupid thing, Comes every year!) which you cannot pretend to have carelessly forgotten, what do you gift her? Definitely not a Card which says how wonderful a friend she is (Unless she has a Conscience, which we obviously do not expect her to have!). Not a delicious looking cake (Unless she was chalking up a diet plan the day before). So what do you gift her? Something that publicly says 'I care', but killing her at the same time. A gift thats right for her, a gift that is totally like her... 'A Pair of the prettiest shoes on sale' (Caution: One size smaller than her feet). Spice it up with the comment "I never knew you had such graceful feet" and you are done!

Though I haven't had much experience with such mean friends, I have had considerable exposure to the mean shoes to tell you it is a safe bet. Blessed with much-bigger-than-normal feet all my life,  I have seen both heaven and hell (the latter more frequently). My respect for the middlemen who take the thorns and god-knows-what on the roads with the grace of armoured knights often baffles me and I end up often at the counter of these shops. I have been lucky with may such Successful Transactions, I daresay.

Inspite of all that, the curse of big feet lingers. That combined with my favoring prejudice results in smaller shoes all the time. The leather knights (and their non-leather half-brothers as well) turn out to be traitors and bite off the feet that bought them. I try and try harder to discipline them as I walk around with blistering ankles and scratched toes maintaining poise and grace inspite of the desperate inner voice yelling to shrug them off. Though this looks bad, the nightmare is yet to come.

If walking the onward journey was a prick, even thinking about the return journey is a death blow. Still I am bound by position co-ordinates to walk 400 feet in the metric system or 1000 miles in the worn-out foot system to reach back home and I consider every form of mechanized transport to shorten the journey (This might not be completely true. I was even comtemplating an idea of a lift with the buffaloes). Fast-forwarding the 1000 miles and the flight of stairs, I lay back with both me and my big feet, breathing for the first time in what seemed like forever. I give up on the idea of training my shoes, feeling too peaceful to put them back in their fancy box.

Unlucky angel

To the stars of the world, I beg,
To the cracked up moon, I plead,
"Stay longer, Stay for an hour or more;
Don't yield too soon the light of Dawn.
Lying on this torn mat, cruelly serene,
With a baby face blistered by the sun,
Is a fated angel who picked rags all day;
He may look shabby with unbrushed hair
But when he smiles, oh, when he smiles,
He spreads beauty to the miles around.
His dreams might never come true
His childhood could be blighted forever
But, Please let his fancy dreams continue
Don't yield too soon the light of Dawn."

Wander not!

Don't wander off too far, My careless pollen dots
For however long a ride you choose to take
The Wind is cetainly gonna let you down.

The weeds to the north are rough,
You wouldn't stand a chance
The rocks to the west are hard
Not many have cracked the stone.
Not to the big tree east nor to the west
Stay right here in the shade of my leaves.
.
Though there is swamp near my roots
And Rocks don't let our heads show,
Though no one sees our pretty colours
Wander not, my tiny pollen dots
Stay right below my infamous leaves.

My mirrors miss me

It is fine if you can't see my heart
I'll find someone to play your part.
But today you've lost your chance
To take my side in the last dance.
Honey, If the roads could talk
They would scream as I walk
"Let go of the hate holding you down
With that you weigh like a tonne"
When I think of your poker face
It feels like I have been drowning.
My mirror is bored with my frown
Its time to repaint the big smiles,
Strut through the last few miles.

Plain memories

Short glimpses through my mind

There are no perfect moments

But still I go blurred kinda blind.

I don't want to cry

Still I let another tear drop

Its not the funny jokes we cracked

Nobody's hurt in these clouded visions

Its just you and your pretty face

Nothing important..

Still that is all I can remember.

Shaking my head like a wet dog

Trying to get you outta my mind,

I wanna stop, I don't wanna cry

Still I let down another drop.

I look out the bus window

Gaze at the shops that disappear

A random hoarding has your name

I start smiling, who am I to blame?

The letters blur, visions reappear

I don't wanna cry

But I let down another drop.

Today ends at twelve tonight

They never told her that the lights were out

She didn't know how she ended up at the spot

Nobody told her there was gonna be a stage

Nobody was there cheering for her in the crowd.

She could walk away and wake up tomorrow

Stay invisible, forget today like it was a nightmare

And keep dreaming of today everyday in her life

But today doesn't comes again after twelve tonight.

Dreams can't make her what she wants to be

She's gotta shine herself through the blackout

Stay right there even with rotten eggs at her foot

'Coz even a stage without lights is too hard to get.

Doesn't matter if she was never a superstar,

If that is what she dreams every night

She's gotta shine, gotta smile and be the light

Today will never come back after twelve tonight.

Falling stars

When I am done telling everythin in my heart 

All those stupid secrets I never should've kept

What I think of when I am all by myself

Why I sometimes look lost in a dream

You will see how life could have been.

Give me a chance to play it all again

I still wouldn't get the words on my lips

Now that I can see how we could have been

I still wouldn't say 'coz thats who I am.

I wish you could hear my unspoken words

And see that I care more than you ever did.

It is too much to ask for, more than I deserve

Still I'll keep praying on every falling star

'Coz they never'll be said, the secrets I have kept.

Don't hate me Ms.New!

Its funny how quickly Ms.New gets old
Last month not far from where I stand
I found her shining bright through the hall
She was there hiding shyly at the mall
Slyly peeping out from behind the drapes
Anxious like a leashed pet to get to me
She smiled through the leather of the bag
Silently tucking away her gory price tag.
But now the old wretch smiles toothless
Glory gone, she coughs her last breaths
As she goes in with my other old spreads.

You think its gonna be all bright and sharp
But it turns back to being the old blunt knife .
She showed in my haircut last sunday
She is dead and gone from the mirror today
Ms. New's got a disease she can't try to live
To people like me she's got not much to give.
Destined I am to be a lover in despair
Its my curse to keep searching her forever.

Girl Friends

Funny how strange you looked on the first day

With a name impossible for me to remember

Walked past a dozen times thinking ‘Should I smile?’

Then someday somewhere we chatted for a while.

Sat next to you in class one fine Friday in spring

Soon enough you were a funny new girl I knew

I started searching my lost stuff at your place

Names shrunk, got wild and fought over silly stuff.

But if being stupid can be fun when it’s us

If I can sleep crossed in bed with lights right on

Knowing I will have a blanket over me at dawn

You can’t just be yet another girl that I know.

If you can dare to smirk at my pretty new shirt

Can tell me I look horrible straight in my eyes

If I can kick you when you don’t hear my whines

You can’t be just another girl that sits next to me

You will never ever ever be just another girl I know!!!

First day

Everybody’s suited up in shades of black

Faking all that maturity that you lack

Responsibilities tied up to your spine

It is no longer okay for you to whine.

Strange faces and strong disapprovals

They walk about quietly like in the chapels

You know you are the one being judged

I hope it isn’t a crime to be so scared.

I might even fear the lady at the reception.

A tiny point stressed out with confusion

What should I say? ‘Hi’ or ‘Good Morning’?

I can feel the spot inside my heart burning.   

My Perfect life

Laces, Satin, silk and their pretty sheen;

Blue big eyes overdone with Maybelline

Lavender crowns and a bed of rose petals

My neck draped with long strings of pearls

Standing on the stairs with red high heels

The dream of every girl, Cinderella to me;

Yeah, I dream and I dream a lot of fairytales

But if, If a genie sprang out of the flames

Or, If fairy godmother walked out of a cloud

I, I wouldn’t be so sure to wish it out aloud.

I Eat up food, sauce smeared on my nose

Laugh out loud, write my own terrible prose 

Sing out of tune and make false promises

Fall clumsily and be far far from Perfectness.

I think I like being myself, no haughty princess,

Dorky and proud, a royal sans the dresses.

Hundred to one forever

Nine-ty Nine, Nine-ty eight…..

Usually on those late nights alone

When I twist about in bed sleepless,

Rolling my blankets into a mess

Punching pillows to be comfortable,

I counted, like my mother said,

To a hundred in my head silently

And closed my eyes to a symphony.

Seven-ty four, Seven-ty three

Lately, I am not so lucky in sleep;

My best dreams finally ditched me

They avoid me more than you do.

I decide to think of good old days

To feel my own heart lightly race,

I laugh at times we spent together

The words you said ring in my ear

I am glad that the lights are out

And that there is no one about.

Thirty six, Thirty Five…

I smile as I think when I acted a fool

It was nothing at all like acting cool

And I can never fill your gaping hole

In darkness, I laugh at my dark joke

My own breathing sounds so loud

Smiles weighed down by a rainy cloud.

I know by morn, I will be over with this

And will ‘ve forgotten all that I miss.

I watch the stars that shine over me

But cruel enough they simply won’t leave.

Five.. Four.. Three…

Once in a long while, a teardrop trickles

I try but can’t help counting in circles

Around and around, an unending maze

Till I wake up tomorrow with a stained face.

Ninety –nine, Ninety –nine…

The Caesar that didn't die!

When I look at that curved up smile,
I would've vowed to go that extra mile
If I hadn't seen the witch you were;
I know you've got a new story to share
We both know it is not for me to hear
Sorry, but I heard it loud on the street
My clenched fists have begun to bleed.
You called yourself my best 'best friend'
That you were gonna be at every bend
Said I was gonna be your bridesmaid
Now you stand behind me with a blade
I see on my mirror - you and your hate
My lips can hold swear words no more
Would've cried if I hadn't seen it sooner
I'm Caesar, I've got a Brutus in my honor.
When we break there shall be no Byes
Just you rotting alone in your twisted lies.

Thanks and sorry!

All the birthday nights I slept through
The secrets I had forgotten to keep
The promises and bonds I broke
The tears I caused but never saw
The explanations I denied a ear
The errands I refused to run about
The days I had fun when you were sick
The apologies I could never bring up
The lunches I made you wait for
The cruel jokes and the cold wars
Some I was too dumb to get
Some I could do nothing about

Some of them I cruelly meant
One small word can't make it all right
Still am SORRY for all that I did!

Bff, Just friend, loser or a sly leech
Icebreaker, clown, jerk or a sad Bitch

Doesn't matter how u'all look at me
U're the best thing that's happened to me.